School started last wednesday. And thus, my senior year has commenced. Hello to scholarship and college applications, goodbye to the days when I thought life was easy. Homework piles up quickly, and bites you in the ass so much faster than you ever expect. And from what I hear, in the blink of an eye, this year will be over. I'll be headed for college and that will be that. One chapter of my life will be closed and a new one will be ushering itself in without my even realizing what is happening. And I'm excited, I am. But if this year goes so fast, isn't it entirely plausible that I will miss something? Something big that, looking back, I should never have missed because it had such an impact? Sometimes, with the way the day disappears from underneath me, I feel like that will happen. That one day I'm going to wake up and realize a missed opportunity that I should have taken. It scares me, it really does. But then, I'm going to be experiencing so much this year, right? There will be all these new things that I've never had put on my plate before, and I'll get to savor them. But which ones to savor, and which ones to place in the filing cabinet for ruminating on at a later date? Sorting these things out is a skill I need to learn. Among study habits. Oh, dear heavens above I have realized in the past couple days that I need so much help when it comes to study habits. And life is not going to be easy if I don't form better ones. One thing I'm quickly realizing is that, above all else, I need to learn to NOTE TAKE while I READ! yeah. I suck at that. And I start my college humanities class tuesdays. It's only tuesdays and thursdays, but you know what that means, right? That means there is going to be a shit ton of reading in my future. I wonder if I'll ever finish breaking dawn. It's starting to seem as though I might not. Well, if I want any hope of awakening when my alarm sounds in the morning, I'd best be off. 

P.S. ALLERGIES SUCK ASS. seriously. I'm so sick of them. g'night!

That's right, folks. This week it's off to band camp for me! Which means every day from 9 to 4, I'm marching toes high, back straight, shoulders back, head up, left right left. Tomorrow we march in the state fair parade as the honorary band. But dear lord, it's hotter than bajeesus out there. Don't get me wrong, when I get into it, I'm quite the fan of marching band. But right now, it's just weird. Because this year, I'm a section leader. And I have all this power. And quite honestly, I don't have any idea what to do with it. I don't even know that I deserve the authority I have. Like, I screw up, too, yanno? And here I am, telling these kids who are a couple years younger than me to not do the things that I sometimes do. I feel sort of hypocritical. But it's cool. I'm taking it pretty seriously, trying to get to know the sophomores in the band. I feel like we should all sorta just be together, you know? It would make us work better as a team, I think. Plus, as fun as it sometimes sounds, in band, what's the point of alienating the sophomores? They're as much a part of the team as the juniors or seniors. They need to be able to feel comfortable and work well with the rest of us just like the juniors and my fellow seniors. 

Butyeah. P.S. I bought breaking dawn the day it came out, but I'm still not very far. I am, however. EXTREMELY EXCITED! About being able to read it! I'm totally taking it on the freakishly long bus ride we'll have tomorrow. Some major progress should be made, but I won't make any promises, with one of my best guy friends probably making the sexual remarks every five seconds over whatever stupid thing they want to.

Anyways, I think that's about it. I'm gonna go facebook with some of the sophomores now. Ttyl, guys!

Ciao,
Torie

Despite the fact that actually saying goodbye to Andrew before he went on vacation for a week with his family was one of the most romantic things ever, this week is seriously hurting. The first few days I was totally fine, because I kept pretty busy and I had stuff to do, and I could handle a few days without him. I needed to recharge on my own time, yanno? But now...now I'm just totally missing him like crazy, and he doesn't even get home until Saturday. It really makes me sad. I mean, he's going to college in a few weeks (Jesus, that went by fast) and I'm not going to see him that often anyways. *lesigh* I'm being a sap, I know. But I spent the night at my friend's house last night - this particular friend is about eight years older than me and married, so she's totally my go-to girl for advice, and we had a good talk that really got me thinking. So I'm a little on the in-depth emotional side of things. I mean, yes, I'm only a senior in high school, and he's going off to be a freshman in college. and I have no idea what's going to happen. Neither does he. We'd both like to be so very sure, but we can't be sometimes. We just have to realize that we can get by as far as we want to as long as we never stop loving each other. Next year is going to be long and hard because of several reasons. My classload is going to be a bitch, I'll be without Andrew, and there's going to be a million and two scholarships I'm going to have to apply for. It's just a LOT to deal with. And, since it's still summer, I'd rather not think about it.

Speaking of, where the fuck did the summer go?! I mean, literally, school starts in LESS THAN A MONTH. When did that happen?! The days disappeared, I swear. I had so many goals for the summer and NONE of them happened. The only thing I'm really glad about is this roleplaying site I'm on that's growing pretty damn well, and I've been a part of it since the beginning. So I'm happy about that. I hate seeing those things die out two weeks after they start, which usually happens. It's all about mod activity, I think. But that's another subject for another time. I suppose I should go clean the basement, so I don't have to do it when Andrew gets back. 

Ciao,
Torie


p.s. jobro dreams = love.

photoshop. has. me. hypnotized. i can't get off it. XD i'm trying to learn new things and get the courage to put up my icons somewhere, but iono. if anyone has any good resources, i would loff that! but, uhm, yeahhh. other than that. nothing too exciting. i'll update lataz.

HOLY CRAP! Tonight was flipping amazing! The day was bleh, though I went a little photoshop crazy, but the night. the night rocked my world! First off, I went on a date with Andrew, yeah, you know Andrew. The boy I've officially been dating for 19 months!! OMG. That's a rather large thing in itself. But anyways, we went to see The Dark Knight. AND HOLY CRAP! If you haven't seen it yet, GO SEE IT! Heath Ledger, may God rest his soul, rocked my world! I'm probably going to have nightmares about him tonight, but he was sooo Oscar-deserving in his performance! The entire movie left me in awe of its absolutel awesometacity, but Ledger took the cake. It was GREAT. It was beyond great. It was something so amazing there hasn't even been a word invented to describe it yet! GO SEE IT! I've said that already, but I felt it needed to be said again, because IT WAS AMAZING!!  

Then we went back to Andrew's house. And he is just the absolute sweetest guy. I mean, he talks about our future together. And not just two weeks from now, but like.. ten, fifteen years into the future. It's positively amazing. And I've never felt more secure about a guy than I do with him on nights like this. His kisses. Btw, I'm not going to go into major details or anything, but tonight, they just made me float. I mean, this is one of those nights I will look back on and forever remember with love and passion. It was just such a great night. SUCH A GREAT NIGHT! I can not stress enough how fabulous my night was. As far as clouds go, I'm on 9. 

Alright. Well, I think I'm done gushing about my night now. And here's what I was hoping. Since I'm new at photoshop (I have 6.0) , I thought I'd post these icons I made today, and see if I can get any feedback. I mean, seriously, I would LOVE feedback. constructive criticism would be fantastic, as at this point, improvement is always something I can do. But thoughts and comments would be lovely, too. I don't have like... a graphics community or anything, so Imma just go ahead and post a cut, and you can look under there. Thanks so much!

you know, i love roleplaying. really, i do. i've been doing it for about five years now, and been on a billion different sites, several of which sort of died out within weeks after creation. it's always fun to create new characters and put them into action, and when you really get some stuff going, it feels awesome! what sucks, though, is when you have more than one thread going on, and you want to reply to one, because it's like this huge plotline, and you want to keep it going because it's adorable/exciting/insertcorrectverbhere but then there's the other one that could also produce plot, and you haven't replied to it yet. and you want to, but every time you click the 'add reply' button, you come up blank. i hate that! i always feel like i'm letting the other character's player down, because i know how it feels to be on the other end of that deal, and it sucks. cause you're just sort of stuck in limbo. and i have that sort of thing going on now, but i have to work soon. >< darn work. i think i'm going to try anyways. i realize this is my second post today, but hey, i'm posting again, right?! 

p.s. i might not be posting tomorrow, though i probably will find time between church and work, but andrew and i are going on a date because we've been together for 19 months tomorrow! jeez. that's intense. XD we're going to see THE DARK KNIGHT! AND IM SO EFFING EXCITED! OMG. heath ledger's last movie!!!!! GAHAHHHH! I'm so excited about it! but also sort of sad that after this, i won't ever see heath in another role again. =[. but that movie is going to ROCK MY WORLD. if you comment on this, please no spoilers. obviously, i haven't seen it yet. but yeah. that should be rockin'. 

alright. i need to be done now. XD 

p.p.s. check out the new icon! thanks to joya! <33

i'm really done now. promise.

you know, i've realized lately that the best gift someone in my family can give me on the fly is not cold hard cash, but rather filling my gas tank.  which is sad. but the prices are getting ridiculous. and i know you've all heard this over and over again, but i thought i'd get in my two cents. i just don't see any plausible reason for the prices to be so crazy high. the only silver lining to these ever-rising prices is that people are learning to cut back, find other modes of transportation, and in turn help the environment, even if just a little. but, the gas prices aren't the only thing. and as our recession continues, i realize that it sucks. food prices are skyrocketing, everything is becoming more expensive, and wages are staying stagnant - at least for someone like me, living off minimum wage. given  that i am still a high school student, and most of my basic needs will be taken care of for approximately four more years as my grandparents will undoubtedly coddle me through college, and i'll be working because it will be impossible not to, it's still insane. because there are people out there who have to support families of three, four, five on minimum wage. and when their wages don't rise, but the prices of everything around them does, that's when they are thrust into the desperate situation of poverty because of our country's greedy tendencies, the world's greedy tendencies. i, sadly, have few ideas on how to fix this. i'm just a senior in high school, my knowledge into effective measures to take is minimal. but i still have an opinion on the subject, and my opinion is that it sucks. my heart goes out to those suffering from the gas prices and the recession, and hope with all my might they can stay on their feet until we go back into prosperity. it has to happen eventually, such is the economic cycle, but it sure is taking an awfully long time. our country is capable of prospering again, i know at least that much. it's just a matter of getting to that point. 

so, that's my strangely focused ramble for the day. enjoy!

ciao,
torie

right. okay. so, baiscally i sort of suck sometimes. i know. what a positive way to start an entry right? but seriously. i need to get my act together. i really do get totally stuck in myself sometimes. it's ridiculous. someone, please slap me. let me realize that there are people in my life who need to be considered more than myself. thank you!

ciao,
torie

i'm slipping into the lava. and i'm trying to keep from going under
you raise the temperature hotter. and i'm burnin' up, burnin' up for you, baby

here's where i'm at - a better place. given that right now, i'm sitting in the chair in front of my computer, in my basement, waiting for a phone call from my baby so i can get out of the house and do something fun. i'm in a better place. the shit with my grandmother blew over for now. and i think i've discovered a very disturbing truth. the quality of the relationship between my grandma and i is in a direct correlation with the status of the basement and its cleanliness. the more messy the basement gets, the more pissy my grandma is with me. does that not disturb anyone but me? i think this summer is going by entirely too fast. it is starting to freak me out. take this - it's been a week since i last posted, and it hardly feels like a couple days. a bunch of stuff has happened in this last week. but not much of it is noteworthy. the dance club thing is really working for me. i love the feeling of being out on that floor, just letting all my stress go. it's so great. but anyways. the phone call should be coming soon, and i've got to get going. but, mostly, i'm just glad to be in a better mood, and maybe i'll post with something more exciting later. 

ciao, 
torie

 throw my cares up in the air
and i don't think they're coming down
yeah, i love how it feels right now

Well, here i sit, in my friend's bedroom, hi-jacking her computer to update everyone on the fabulousness that is my life. I wish. I got in ANOTHER fight with my grandmother today. Seriously, is it time for college yet?! But, it's not like it matters that much. Because I'm not in the house now, I've vented to Cassie, and things are slowly getting better. I realize that I am a teenager, and things, well, I feel them more intensely than I might in twenty years. Honestly, though, who enjoys the feeling of not being listened to, or taken seriously? Not me, for one. Tonight, there is a teen night at a local dance club, and the girls and I are going to get all dolled up and dance our cares away. That sounds like a positively perfect solution to me. There's nothing like a night of lowered inhibitions and sweating on the dancefloor to erase all the bad feelings you've had earlier, don't you agree? I realize, also, that I am a terrible GIT for having not posted much lately. But, you know...I'm not even going to give some lame ass excuse about life getting busy. I'll just suffice to say that I will do my best to post more often. Because I know how interested you all are in my boring Iowan life. Just kidding, but it is nice to have a place to just vent. Coffee and music can only do so much, until I, being the writer that I am at heart, just need to type it all out. So, yeah. Until I get over this feeling of being inadequate for my grandmoter, expect a little bit more of an emo spin to the posts. But, rest assured that I will move on as the drama of it all (as always happens) fades into the background and I return to something of a civilized state in the house. I suppose I will just spend as little time in the house until I feel that I can face her without blowing up in her face as I can. Things will shift back to normalcy eventually, I'm sure of it. Everyone has those crazy moments, the ones that just make you want to pull your hair out. But we all get over them. It's just a good thing to have people in your life that will a) let you bitch about it till you can't bitch anymore, b) give you advice or just nod and smile, c)understand whether they really do or not, d) get you out when you need an escape, or e) any combination of the above.

So, by the way, thank you Cassie. For letting me bitch until I couldn't bitch anymore. It's always fun to hang out with you because no matter what level of a shitty mood I may have been in before we were together, I'm always happier after the fact. Yay friendship! Okay, before I get any sappier, I'll bring this to  a close and hopefully have something more positive later. <3

Ciao,
Torie

please, someone smack me. i might be pmsing, or might just be retarded right now. but i am freaking out...about nothing. like...seriously. the fact that andrew hasn't been paying every second of his attention to me right now is bugging me for absolutely no reason. i'm being SO STUPID!! And overly-sensitive, again, for no reason. So please, before I go insane, someone talk some sense into me. I don't care how you do it, just DO IT. please. PLEASE! thank you.